Restlessness, Noise, and the Dog Days of Summer

Restlessness and Noise

*Formatting fixed*

I am normally pretty restless during the month of August and this year even more so.

The uncertainty of how school will begin here is still in discussion.  

I had an opportunity to apply for Midget to attend a local charter school in July. 

 While I haven’t received an acceptance letter, I was emailed that she had been accepted. 

Midget is really looking forward to her new school but we don’t know what it will look like yet.  

Normally there is a new student orientation in August. We aren’t sure what supplies are needed as it’s a blended format but I’m going ahead and getting the basics now-backpack, calculator, pens/pencils, etc., things she will definitely use.

Even the sky is restless at this time of year with the Persied Meteor shower peaking tonight!

https://www.space.com/perseid-meteor-shower-2020-webcasts.html

Fun August Fact: 

 

I turned off all electronics for several hours this afternoon and it was uncomfortably  quiet.  I am really making an effort to do reduce the ‘noise’ around me. (As I type this with a Star Wars movie in the background).

I hadn’t realized how dependent on the background noise I’d become. 

 I’d been making sure I have a tablet charged for day and for night. I had been putting on a YouTube video to be able to fall asleep and it is usually a documentary on volcanoes or some other disaster.

I also realized that I have been using melatonin, Benadryl, or a sip of cough syrup every night to go to sleep.   #confessions

 

I am fairly certain that this noise has been a contributing factor to my anxiety. 

My brain simply hasn’t had a chance to truly disconnect for a long time; toss in the extremely chaotic time we are living in it’s no wonder I’m a mess this week!

Last night I decided to make some changes.  It was surprisingly difficult to do it and it felt very uncomfortable.  I tossed and turned a LOT but I eventually fell asleep at some point. 

I probably only got a cumulative 4 hours of sleep but it has to start somewhere!

 

I will be shutting everything off at 9 pm and will read to wind down instead. It’s important for me to establish a healthier routine.

 

I will be heading out to my patio for self care in just a bit.  (taken this afternoon)

 

I want to take my camera and take a day drive this weekend.  I want to keep it a bit spontaneous so I’m not really planning anything. It will be a ‘the tank is full let’s see where the road leads us.” 

I usually do a summer photo shoot and haven’t really done that this year. I took a vacation to the Oregon Coast and shot a few but I’d like to post more than ocean waves and boats in a harbor lol.

                                  *obligatory ocean wave picture*

 

I’ve also been working on writing a bit.  It’s only a note to my outlines, or maybe a paragraph or two. 

 

I’m hoping that by reducing the noise around me I will be able to quiet some of my restlessness.

 

Are you more restless this year? Are you finding yourself hiding behind noise?  I’d love to hear how you are doing. 

We are in this together!

 

Until next time,

-R

 

Dear Blog, I missed you.

Has it really been FIVE MONTHS since my last post?  I must remedy this with a post or two! I've actually been pretty busy on Facebook  as an admin on a couple of pages and I started a 'healthy hangout' group for myself and others to compare notes, be comrades in misery, and cheer leaders  for those times when we want to wallow in said misery.

I talked about the fact that I was going to be transparent and what I will do is start from about a month ago and fill in  from there. Here is the Reader's Digest version-my basic posts  from other pages....consider it a digital diary of sorts.
It's not always going to be a pleasant read, but it's real.


NOTE: posts have been edited for time, rambling, and to protect some aspects of privacy. :)

Jan 18, 2015

Ask: Most of you know that I am very overweight and want to do something about it. Looking over the options that would work for me at the moment, I've decided that juicing will be a good first step. I would love a juicier-nothing fancy, just something to help me started my journey to wellness.It would also help my daughter with some healthy choices. I'm not picky, I'd just like something that works, and possibly has the instructions so I know how to take care of it.  ‪
( About 15 minutes later a friend saw my post and gave me a Magic Bullet mixer)

Later that day. UPDATE: I made my first smoothie today using some carb count yogurt, frozen blueberries, water and some v8 natural splash. (It's what I had on hand). It tasted pretty great and Mariah had most of it. I'm getting pretty excited and will be contacting you guys for tips. How would you feel if I started a page for those of us who want to do the healthy thing?

Jan 24, 2015  The group is created

Page intro:

About me: I'm an older single mom of two girls. The youngest is at home and struggles with her weight as well. We need to make major lifestyle changes and it has to start with me so I can set the example for her.

I want to create new lifestyle habits for both of us. I've heard so much about juicing and smoothies that I thought that would be a great place to start. I could do any number of 'diets' (and have done most of them) to lose weight quickly but it's not what I'm looking for.

Thanks, everyone! 

Let's do this!

Jan 27 2015- A surprise! 

Okay I had an amazing experience today. As you know my friend gave me a Magic Bullet so I could make smoothies. I was really interested in checking out some juicing as well. A page member read my post over on the **** site and pm'd me privately asking if I would like a dedicated juicer! I met with her and brought it home and made some juice right away. I LOVED it. Another step on my journey!

Later that day: ***** ***** mentioned starting a walking group. I would love to do that when my stamina gets up. I was doing some online Denise Austin stuff-mostly stepping to the music but I have to go slow and really start from the ground up. I was appalled that I couldn't even keep up with the stepping. That's when I knew I had to do something and began thinking about taking my journey public. I've always done it privately and it was a very lonely path to take.

(taking it public referencing my past post on this blog)

Feb 1, 2015 

Reality says hello

Today was an interesting day-first day out in a long time that kept me away from home for most of the day. Went over to *********  (the state line)  and my older daughter wanted to take her friends to ******* Hamburgers. Anyone-well almost anyone who has been there knows it's greasy crack in all its glory.

I got a smaller version of what I regularly get, still allowing a splurge and I had to stop eating it. It was way to greasy and I didn't feel so hot after I finished what I did eat. McDonald's makes me feel this way too, most of the time. So I mourned the loss of my ***name of signature burger***, large fry, and six tartar sauces.
I'm attributing it to the new changes healing my body even more. While it's kind of a bummer, it's also really cool! I must be doing something right!

Feb 10 2015

I'm pretty excited and wanted to share with you. A few months ago a friend shared about a guy who takes bikes, working or not, and has them refurbished. He gives them to those in need and I was fortunate to be able to give him 3 bikes and some spare tires. I've been wanting to try and ride again but as big as I am I can't just go get an average bike and hop on without impaling myself or squishing the bike. (gotta be truthful).

I messaged him and shared what I was looking for. He is very excited and it's become his mission to help me. I told him my first goal was to ride around my complex once and work up to riding on one of the trails around here. He knows I have a tight budget and would need to do layaway or make payments. He is as excited as I am and I'm looking forward to what he can come up with. 

Feb 15 2015

This morning I find myself at odds with life, lol. I had all these glorious plans for juicing and smoothies and all would be wonderful and any extra things I needed would fall from the sky, lol. Things don't often work out that way. frown emoticon So as much as I wanted to do a 100% completely healthy food lifestyle that's just not going to be possible-reality kicked in, lol. What it means is that I'm going to revamp things so we can still work toward health while dealing with typical food items. I'm good for this month and have a bit extra but I won't be able to afford to keep doing it. I'm not giving up though, I just need to make some adjustments to my plans.‪

Feb 21 2015

Diets. Most if not all of us have tried one at some point. What's the one you've had the most success with? What's the strangest one you have tried? Which have been a complete disaster? Do you like plans that are specifically laid out or ones that are more 'free form' and let you design your own? More importantly, what have you been able to learn from all of them? Let's have a conversation! (If you aren't comfortable discussing these kinds of things I respect that.)

Note: The comments on that post were very eye opening

Feb 21 2015  Crisis approaching

This is one of the most difficult posts I've had to make but it needs to be done here and done now. I'm feel like I'm running out of time, if that makes any sense. Bariatric surgery. Great results for some, not so great for others. Several people,including my SSI lawyer, have told me that it might be my only valid option to save my health at this point due to at my age and weight before something disastrous happens. If I were to do it, now would be the time as the longer I wait the more potential age-related complications are possible. Time to put it all on the table. *takes a deep breath* I turned 50  in Dec. My current weight is ****lbs. as of yesterday. I was *** last week but I allowed stress eating to take me down.

 Sometimes I can literally feel my body fighting to function properly-especially after a big meal. Is it truly realistic and possible to lose the amount I need to lose to be healthy? (around 200-230 lbs with a goal range of ***-*** lbs).  I need to be here for my daughter and honestly am afraid that she will wake up one morning to find me dead. I can't stand the thought of it and frankly, I'd like to stick around for awhile. The effects of all this stress on my body are becoming apparent and I'm really concerned. I know that no diet or medical intervention has the chance of being successful without a change in mindset. One of the biggest problems is that I'm just as afraid to have the surgery as I am if I don't. I'm in a catch 22 exercise-wise. The more I try and move the more I hurt and have to stop. I'm frustrated beyond belief and feel horrible that my 10 yr old feels that she has to take care of me. It can't continue. I would really appreciate your honest input. Please be kind.

Just  a basic hint at the body stuff I'm dealing with. 

 ********************

Lots of personal trials compounded by the trials of those happening to those around me.  The point of all of this? 

Time to pick myself up and get moving again.

Physical journeys.

Spiritual journeys. 

 I. AM. STILL. HERE.

Welcome Back :)

Summertime Blues

If you are a parent you can relate to most of these, especially if you have an uber creative child who sees the world differently.  This is a basic synopsis of my daily routine. Every. Day. I would like to note that there is usually a 10-20 minute gap between the first statement/question and the response.

Mom, I made you breakfast.

What do you mean, broccoli and carrots with mustard aren't breakfast foods?

Mom, I'm bored.

I don't want to go the store and get a treat, I'm busy.

Mom, will you take me swimming?

 There's nobody here to swim with,  I want to go home.

Mom can I have a sleep over?

They are all stupid and we won't ever be friends again.

Mom, there's nothing to do.

But I don't want to play with my friends, ride my bike, play the computer, go swimming, watch TV, play the PS/2, or have a picnic.

Mom there's nothing to eat.

But I don't want a sandwich, fruit, veggies, milk, crackers, cereal, or a TV dinner.

Mom can I make an experiment in the kitchen?                  

But mom,  if I mix jelly and honey and lemon juice and ketchup I can dip my apples in it and I will eat it all.

Mom, I made and experiment, come and see.

Isn't it neat how I mixed the flower petals and fresh herbs with honey and vinegar? (in the tiny vase that no brush will ever reach)

Mom, I have found a moth for the bug house.

It loves me and is my best friend.

                          Mom, the moth died so now I have a roly-poly the bug house.

                           It loves me and is my best friend

  

                                                   Mom I need to get a lady bug for the bug house.

                                                   It will be best friends with the roly-poly

Mom, you promised to take me swimming.

I don't want to go swimming. I'm bored.

 

                                                                      Mom, can I play on the computer?

                                                                       I want to go swimming. I'm bored.

Mom, can I play the PS/2?

But I want to watch Netflix

Mom, watch me beat the (random bad guy). It will only take a second.

Watch every level I've completed to get to this point first.

 Mom, can we team up and play the computer game?

I want to play by myself.

Mom,  I don't want to go to my room.

I'm not coming out, I'm playing.

Mom, I don't want to go and help you water the garden.

I don't want to leave. I want to stay here and harvest my strawberries.

Parental summer survival is a tricky thing. It requires the patience of a Zen master, the ingenuity of a rocket scientist, the stamina of a triathlon competitor, and the communication skills of a hostage negotiator.

The aliens are no longer held in check by the threat of the education system and are free to roam for three months.  They are happy to control children's bodies and wreak havoc within a family unit. Or anyone in close proximity.  In multiple dimensions.

How does one survive this onslaught? It varies from family to family, but in my house it generally requires quick thinking, great patience, and the most valuable words known to parents:

Go Play 

To Mariah's credit she only had one major meltdown during our vacation and only one or two various meltdowns over the summer so far.  

I don't know whether to be relieved or to start battening down the hatches and up my renters insurance for the possible random emotional storm that may or may not happen.  

Kaley has taken up refuge in her room for the most part and is prepared for an extended siege.

In other news, I'm gearing for a day trip, possibly an overnight if I can work it into the budget. I've decided to plan specifically to include Mariah since she is starting to show some real interest in my extra camera. Of course her pictures aren't always what you'd expect and she prefers video to still shots. Many of her videos cause motion sickness, but being the good parent I am, watch every single one. 

Funds aren't necessarily abundant in my universe so I'm also finding things around town to do. There is a new park/splash pad right next to the library which is absolutely brilliant.

I will do my best to navigate the summer waters and come out unscathed, and relati---

Hey Mom, guess what I just made for my new neighbors? It's really cool! I took rocks and made them a mini fire pit on the sidewalk. It only took ten minutes. They really like it and said it made their day.

God help me.

Until next time,

Robyn  

Near Misses

*.* Cracked Lens *.*

When I decide to shoot a subject, I generally have something specific in mind.  I get really frustrated when I know I've got 2,000 photos to go through, and I do go through every single one. Sometimes I can be so focused that I nearly miss out on some equally wonderful shots that were randomly captured during one of my quests.

I'm such an amateur.   But I'm enjoying every minute of it!

 

 

This is an example of the glass-like quality I tried to capture.

 

Two of my favorite near misses:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

These were taken on the Oregon Coast between Depoe Bay and Lincoln City. Shot with the Nikon.

 

I shoot with a Nikon D3100 most of the time and occasionally with my Panasonic Lumix DMC-FH20.  Obviously the Lumix doesn't come close to the quality achieved with the Nikon. The problem I have with the Lumix is the 'white cloud' effect.  It turns out that there is a defect within the camera, but it's out of warranty so here I am; that being said, it shoots decently enough in low light settings, as I found

 out at a recent rock concert.

 

Purchasing a DSLR opened up a whole new world for me-FINALLY-I've been able to achieve the results that I see in my head.  I've had it just over a year, and it's hands down one of the best purchases I've ever made. Some times I have twitchy fingers so I immediately invested in a good tripod.  I was disappointed with the fact that there is no auto time lapse feature built in.

 

Now that I've had a bit of time to experiment with both the zoom and standard lenses I'm ready to add to the mix.  I recently purchased a remote shutter release that has both wireless and wired options.  I picked up a basic  magnification filter set (because I'm not comfortable dropping $200 on a macro lens if I won't use it, lol.)  I also picked up a basic filter kit that has the polarizing, UV, and Florescent pieces. 

 

There are several tutorials online, including how to clean the lenses.  I'm taking mine to a shop because there was some smudging from a raindrop on the main internal mirror and I (very gently) tried to clean it with the simple kit that I already had. 

 

Note to self: Don't touch anything internal without watching a tutorial

 

So I'm comfortable with the quality of the pics that have come out so far.  I seem to be much better at still shots versus  motion.  I hope to change that as I begin the next step-learning what all the numbers, letters, and settings mean.

 

One of the main reasons I chose a Nikon over Cannon had to do with lens compatibility.  Nikon's lenses are all interchangeable...back to the 60s if you look hard enough. the new lenses are generally set up with the auto focus platforms.  That's where the learning curve gets more difficult for me. It just so happens that a relative knew about the lens compatibility and gave me a 12"zoom and a 10"zoom.  Sure enough they fit.  But holy cow was I in for a surprise when I started trying to adjust focus, etc.  So now it's time to start some homework.

 

One thing I would love to get the opportunity to do is to do some band photography.  I need to get in touch of some friends who play around town and see if they will let me come and torture them shoot a few shows.

 

For today, the future is looking bright.

 

Robyn  :)

 

 

Lincoln City Sunset

Shot with my Lumix.