The Ups and Downs of a Girl in Nutritional Crisis: Part Two

Well here we are again....with part two.  Hope part one wasn't too boring-just a glimpse into my chaotic relationship with myself, food, and life. :)

Without further adieu...

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February 21 · Edited

This is one of the most difficult posts I've had to make but it needs to be done here and done now. I'm feel like I'm running out of time, if that makes any sense. Bariatric surgery. Great results for some, not so great for others. Several people,including my SSI lawyer, have told me that it might be my only valid option to save my health at this point due to at my age and weight before something disastrous happens. If I were to do it, now would be the time as the longer I wait the more potential age-related complications are possible. Time to put it all on the table. *takes a deep breath* I turned 50 in Dec. 

My current weight is *** (Not brave enough to share that in this blog) lbs. as of yesterday. I was *** last week but I allowed stress eating to take me down. Sometimes I can literally feel my body fighting to function properly-especially after a big meal. Is it truly realistic and possible to lose the amount I need to lose to be healthy? (around *** lbs with a goal range of 155-175 lbs) I need to be here for my daughter and honestly am afraid that she will wake up one morning to find me dead. I can't stand the thought of it and frankly, I'd like to stick around for awhile.

The effects of all this stress on my body are becoming apparent and I'm really concerned. I know that no diet or medical intervention has the chance of being successful without a change in mindset. One of the biggest problems is that I'm just as afraid to have the surgery as I am if I don't. I'm in a catch 22 exercise-wise. The more I try and move the more I hurt and have to stop. I'm frustrated beyond belief and feel horrible that my 10 yr old feels that she has to take care of me. It can't continue. I would really appreciate your honest input. Please be kind.

March 3 at 8:40pm · Edited

Mariah and I went out to eat and while we did have salad/soup first we still ate too much and the guilt started to creep in. I looked at Mariah as we were leaving and ask how she felt about going to the Kroc. She said "let's go walk!" She walked 12 laps ( a mile) and I am proud to say that I did a whole 15 minutes (1/4 mile!) on the treadmill. Followed by 45 minutes in Costco. Followed by 30 minutes at Freddy's. I'm very sore and very tired. And very proud of myself and proud of Mariah. We talked about it and plan to walk 3-4 times a week.

March 8 at 8:36pm

What a nice day this was! We slept in REALLY late but still managed to run a few errands. We made it to the Kroc since we skipped yesterday. Mariah wanted a change and hit the exercise bike in the youth area, and I tried a different treadmill on the main level. I did 25 minutes and 1/3 mile! I started nice and slow for about 5 minutes and increased my speed for about 7 minutes and then slowed back down for the rest. I'm starting to sense that I can do a bit more as long as I'm careful. How was YOUR Sunday?

March 17 at 11:47pm

I'm feeling kind of down-I'd hoped we'd have a bit more activity on the page. It's starting to look like an online diary, lol. unsure emoticon The Diary of a Crazy but Cool Cat Lady...

Robyn Anderson

March 23 at 11:59am

Started PT last week in the pool and the hardest thing? Coming out of the pool as gravity kicks in and the effort to move tripled. I was horrified that I almost couldn't make it up the stairs! Today I woke up determined to work hard. I have to do something-I know I've been saying that, and it's been true each time. This time I left the pool a bit at a time. It took about 5 minutes but it was much easier to do it that way. So far I'm following the goals I set for myself this morning. It's just not possible to even set goals for two days. I'm going to try a day at a time. Also made the decision to do the Cabbage Soup /Sacred Heart Diet to get my body jump-started. Its not the healthiest and I realize it going it, but at my weight, anything that starts the process is fine by me.

 I have to wait until the first but I'm only planning to do it for a week and see how it goes-I'm thinking one week on, one week off as was suggested earlier. I can't move like I need to without doing something more aggressive diet-wise. It's the only real success I've had in the past but it needs to be followed up with a continued exercise/lifestyle change or it will come back-I'd not had the follow through. If anyone is interested in the particular soup/plan I use I will gladly share.

 ***DISCLAIMER*** Always check with your doctor to make sure this one is okay, due to the nature of how it works-especially if you take medication or have medical conditions. I got the green light from mine. smile emotico


n

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I've had one h*ll of a week. My primary care doctor died 4 days ago. My secondary doc has been hospitalized for 4 weeks and was supposed to be released last Friday.  It seems like life is throwing every thing it can to dislodge me.  I've got me feet dug in for the fight-today anyway-and am just going to try and hang in there.  I'm not sure there's much else I can do.

RIP doc-you were the most amazing, kind, and gentle doctor I've ever known. :)

I hope you haven't found my diary of sorts too boring.  It's an honest look into a part of my life that I've struggled with.   There were several excerpts not listed but that's strictly due to the persons mentioned in it, lol. (some who are reading this blog, you know who you are-stay strong!) 

 Thus concludes part two.  I'm hoping Part Three won't be needed.  Where I'm at today is simplifying.  Being kinder to myself. Focusing on the positive. I'm not ignoring the negative, I'm trying not to punish myself for it. 

Sorry this one wasn't longer, but the intensity should make up for that.  See you soon! 

Always,

Robyn :)

The Ups and Downs of a Girl in Nutritional Crisis: Part One.

Translation?

This getting healthy thing is proving more difficult than I'd planned on, but I'm not giving up; rather I've dug my heels in and am prepared to fight for my life-morbid obesity is a disease in itself, being in both body and mind.

This is going to be one of those more brutally honest posts-I'd warned you about that, lol.


Fed up and tired of being fat, I had to weigh (pun intended) my options.

1. Have some kind of surgery
2. Try and find a medically supervised diet that my insurance will cover
3. Do the Sacred Heart Diet (you know the cabbage soup one)
4 Juicing/Smoothies

Well, I'm terrified of any of the surgeries, my insurance doesn't cover any of the medically supervised plans, and I've had success in the past with the Sacred Heart Diet and am just learning about doing the juice/smoothies.


I plan to get moving but when I do move I hurt and have to take pain medication which keeps me from moving...and so on.

What follows are my personal posts from the Facebook Group I created to have a small community of like minded people to share recipes, encouragement, etc.

Some of you may relate. Some of you might shake your head. Some of you might totally get it.

It really doesn't matter, I just ask you that after reading this blog entry that you take an extra second or two to look beyond the girth of the next large person you see.

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I made my first smoothie today using some carb count yogurt, frozen blueberries, water and some V8 natural splash. (It's what I had on hand). It tasted pretty great and Mariah had most of it. I'm getting pretty excited about this!

January 24 

January 25

Today's assignment is to watch Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead. Thank you Netflix. 

I've set a simple first goal. I want to be able to walk to my mail box and back twice at a steady pace without being winded. (it's across the parking lot from my apt). It's very humbling for me to admit.

January 27

Okay I had an amazing experience today. As you know my friend gave me a Magic Bullet so I could make smoothies. I was really interested in checking out some juicing as well. A page member read my post over on the BNP site and pm'd me privately asking if I would like a dedicated juicer! I met with her and brought it home and made some juice right away. I LOVED it. Another step on my journey!

February 1

Today was an interesting day-first day out in a long time that kept me away from home for most of the day. Went in to Spokane and my older daughter wanted to take her friends to Dick's Hamburgers. Anyone-well almost anyone who has been there knows it's greasy crack in all its glory.

I got a smaller version of what I regularly get, still allowing a splurge and.
I had to stop eating it. It was way to greasy and I didn't feel so hot after I finished what I did eat. McDonald's makes me feel this way too, most of the time. So I mourned the loss of my Whammy, large fry, and six tartar sauces.
I'm attributing it to the new changes healing my body even more. While it's kind of a bummer, it's also really cool! I must be doing something right!

February 2

Had to rethink my first baby-step goal: My garbage dumpster is pretty much across the street (out my door and about 30 yds away). ( also half the distance to my mail box). I walked over and back at a steady pace and was surprised that I was winded. I'm revising my first goal to be two trips to the dumpster and back with the next goal to be the mail box and back. Mariah is my cheerleader and is rooting me on

February 10

With all the crap happening today my stress level hit infinity. I caved and ordered pizza, BUT to help my appetite before it gets here I drank a big glass of my thicker green veggie juice. Going to have Mariah drink one as well. Then we can enjoy without over stuffing. smile emoticon

February 13

This morning I find myself at odds with life, lol. I had all these glorious plans for juicing and smoothies and all would be wonderful and any extra things I needed would fall from the sky, lol. Things don't often work out that way. frown emoticon So as much as I wanted to do a 100% completely healthy food lifestyle that's just not going to be possible-reality kicked in, lol. What it means is that I'm going to revamp things so we can still work toward health while dealing with typical food items. I'm good for this month and have a bit extra but I won't be able to afford to keep doing it. I'm not giving up though, I just need to make some adjustments to my plans.‪#‎determination‬

February 14

Nutrition fail this morning. On one hand I feel like a sneak kid that got away with something. On the other I'm disgusted. Let's just say a giant Reese's valentine heart was involved...

February 21

Happy Saturday! Lots of chaos in the air these days with bad things happening to so many people I know. What's your 'go to' strategy for dealing with stress eating? the carbs enthusiastically jump up and down yelling 'Pick me! Pick me!' while the fats purr seductively to lure me in. Not going to the store today because I'm afraid one or the other will win.

     

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Thus concludes part one.  Part two will post in a day or so. Unless I get distracted.