There And Back Again

Let's begin with the obligatory late August photo: 

And now on to today's episode!

I gave it my best.

The  'serious'  blog.

Let's get real, folks-I mean have you seen me in real life?  

My life isn't pristine and pretty but it's certainly not an apocalypse.

NOTE:  I was looking at the online thesaurus for a fantastic replacement for apocalypse. This was the first thing that showed up so I stopped looking  and settled for it because here we are. 

So I guess it technically could be considered an apocalypse in the overall picture even it is a bit of a stretch. 

My life isn't something that can stay within nice defined boundaries.

I color outside the lines.   I remove mattress tags.  

I occasionally run with scissors. 

I drink milk past the expiration date.  My Christmas tree is still up. 

Yes, I march to the beast of my own drum.

No that's not a typo.  I said beast. 

I will elaborate on that another time. 

My intent was to post meaningful things that provoked thoughts that were philosophical in nature and not the I wonder if she's off her meds kind. 

The funny thing is that I had people message me asking if I was off my meds. Oh the irony....

 I'm more like an eclectic mix of chaospasm mixed in with passion, insanity, and a side of occasional adulting. 

What snapped me back into myself?  

An audio book I was listending to. I randomly checked it out from the online library because the title called to me for some reason. Include the cover shot of a raccoon that looked like it was on an extended mania spree pretty much sealed the deal. 

Furiously Happy by Jenny Lawson

Pictured is the author and the book cover

This link will take you to the  free preview of the book. 

 Disclaimer: It is peppered with language but I promise if you can overlook it it's worth it.  

https://www.google.com/books/edition/Furiously_Happy/FS6NBwAAQBAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&printsec=frontcover

As I have listened to it I got really excited because  I get it. 

I thank those of you who have stuck with my through the growing pains of finding myself back to this blog. 

 For some reason I got it in my head that by writing a 'serious' blog I was going to be a 'better' blogger.  

Well we can all see how that turned out.  

So this is just a quick update to say that I'm back-really back-and we shall continue on forging through this fantastic life of mine filled with nonsense and grit. 

The grit part isn't always fun to share but it's who I am and this is all-in or all-out.

At times we may go to uncomfortable places but they are part of the package. 

I hope you enjoy the ride. :)

Until next time,

-R

As always remember that there are only: 

The First Day Of School Blues And Other Misc. Tidbits

                                 

The thoughts running through my brain this morning:

YAY! She won't be bored.

Sigh. My girl is growing up so fast.

Wahoo I have free time!

I have no idea what to do-wait, I know-I can blog! (Especially since I am long overdue).

Ready to roll!

 We've had several adventures  with a couple of basic meltdowns tossed in the mix.  She was a bit bored this time around but it ended up on a higher note when all the kids around here settled down for the rest of the summer and began their daily games of zombies, army, and Minecraft. 

I've been posting tidbits on social media over the summer so most of you have gotten a glimpse of how it's gone. Update: the peppermint oil worked.  My car is now spiderless. 

My girl turned 10!

 This past weekend, Mariah had a birthday and entered double-digit territory.  I'm feeling sense of loss as she's my youngest. I'm also amazed at how fast the time has gone. It seems like yesterday we were celebrating kindergarten.  My girl is growing up!

We were going over some things for this school year and I had to have the talk.  You know the ones moms have with their daughters:

BOYS

She's  complained for the last month about the boys acting stupid and dumb.  I had to explain to her that boys are kind of silly at this age and to just go play somewhere else. She told me she plans to terrorize them at school and I immediately asked what she meant. 

"I'm going to chase them at recess all over the playground."

 Oh, Mariah,  you might want to rethink that strategy.

 And so it begins.

In other news, two of my favorite bands have released EPs over the summer.

Dead End Sky released Tomorrow Can't Wait and my favorite track is still Always followed by Only One Tear Left.

Letters From the Fire released their self-titled EP and I've absolutely fallen  for the track Waiting followed closely by Zombies in the Sun.

My beloved LUX series by Jennifer Armentrout was completed over the summer.  I felt all ends were tied up well and it was not lackluster or contrived.  One thing about this author is that whenever she writes a series, it's well thought out from beginning to end before she goes to print.

 Many of her books follow a similar pattern but she has a real gift for making them unique so reading them is not redundant. She is one of two authors that I have loved every book they've written. The other is Anne McCaffrey.

What's coming up for me:

My own writing has been sporadic this summer and one goal I have is to work my novels this fall. 

I also plan to get out and about to assorted locations to see what Autumn colors I can photograph. I also want to work on photographing people.  I've been asked to shoot several events this summer and declined because I'm afraid it would end up in disaster.  So I want to get my confidence up before I take one so important.

I will also be putting a lot of effort into learning how to use my Adobe Elements so I can take the step into Lightroom/Photoshop. I thank you all for the compliments about my existing work that you've given me-they mean a lot.  I always said I'd stay au-naturale, but to get a bit more of what I want in a finished product a tiny bit of editing would clear up the things that irk me. (washed out skies, hazy backgrounds, etc.)

There are a few other things going on in my life that I will blog about soon, but in my goal of keeping it as close to 500 words as possible,  they will have to wait.

Until next time,

Robyn :)

Note: Due to circumstances I have had to alter my workout regime.  I am happy to report my health is slowly heading an encouraging direction!

When Can I Go Again?

I thought it would be a great time to post today. 

This weekend is filled with events around the local area which have driving me to seek refuge in my own home. We have Hoop Fest in Spokane, which touts itself as the world's largest 3-on-3 basketball tournament. This year over 27,000 players are signed up with another 250,000 expected spectators. 450 courts. The entire downtown district is shut down.   

Tomorrow we have Iron Man here in Coeur d'Alene.  That will be a day long event as well and downtown is already overflowing.  I used to live on the course and am so glad I don't now.  It was fun to watch once but....

I really enjoyed blogging over my vacation and have decided to try and blog regularly-maybe not daily because my life is actually pretty boring, but a couple times a week because I'm sure I can eek out five hundred words here and there about something in that time period.

So I've had a couple of days to relax and unwind and believe it or not, I'm ready to go again! 

 Granted, it's nice to have the familiarity of home but I'm also quickly reminded of why I wanted to get away in the first place.  Everything  I left is still here now that I'm home. Laundry. Litter boxes. Many other things that begin with the letter "L."

Feel free to insert an epic face palm at any time. 

Time to toss on some music-I think I will blog to Daughtry today.

I find myself really restless, and it's honestly unexpected.  It couldn't be that Mariah immediately reverted to the child that I suspect has an alien living inside of her.  It could be the fact that one of my cats  (Caspian) is now plotting my demise because I dared show affection for a feral cat-you know, the one I've taken care of for four years.

 I don't see what the big deal is-she actually wanted to come inside for once and Kaley and I let her in on different nights-only for ten minutes, mind you.   You would have thought that we had tortured, abandoned, and tossed him away like a used tissue the way he responded. Just because Jude decided to play with Caspian's catnip toy he repaid Jude's visit by promptly peeing in  one of the bathtubs. I can't leave out the mournful meowing and pouting. 

I had planned to take a lot of pictures while on this trip but due to some unexpected circumstances I focused on simply visiting and spending some quality one on one with Mariah and my relatives.

Speaking of photography, Art Wolfe ("Art Wolfe's Travels to the Edge" on PBS),  whose work is amazing, is offering a FREE online day course on July 18th and I was able to sign up before it was filled-I admire his nature landscapes so much. I am over-the-top thrilled that I am going to be able to participate. I'm sure I will take a bajillion notes.

Being the paranoid individual I can occasionally be, I will make sure I have a couple of computer backups in case any of mine decide to give me grief. If you are interested in learning more about who he is and what he does, or maybe even sign up to take the course, go here.  

I am in the planning stages of a short camping trip and am probably going back to Montana.  I really want to get back to the Ross Creek Cedars area-the one that was too iced-over to get to last March.  I did a bit of research and there is a really neat interpretive trail I'd like to shoot.

I've selected a couple of favorite ocean wave shots to share with you. The focus I had this year was the reflective quality of the waves and the spray that crested them from the wind. I've decided to print a couple out and send them to my parents and aunt & uncle as a thank you for such a nice time.

I'm ready to go and truly relax and enjoy the woods.  The smell of a campfire. Watching marshmallows burn and morph into science fiction creatures. The damp morning dew. Sunscreen. Bug repellent. The sound of my flyswatter, which will joyously be destroying the mosquitoes that will not be able to resist me. A flyswatter battle might even break out between Kaley and I.

 You just never know.

 I will be checking with the Forest Service over there before I decided on where to camp.  I'm down for a lot of things, but bears in camp isn't one of them. I'm thinking the area around the Yaak River or Bull Lake. I'm even considering going back to the Kootenai River Campground.  

One of the things at the top of my list is to see if I can find the amazing wood carver I blogged about on my last camping trip over there. This time I plan to buy some of his work if my mission is successful. 

I'd like find out what his story is-I just know it would be amazing. Who knows-maybe he will let me interview him. I shall keep you updated on this upcoming trip that is supposed to be simple and will probably end up being carried out like an international coup.

Until next time,

Robyn

What I’m Up To & Where I’m Going

Hi everyone-I hope this finds you well. We are nearing the end of another school year and The Midget has it figured out down to the hours until she’s done! She’s grown pretty restless over the last month and we are both looking forward to being able to stay up a bit later and sleep in a bit more.

I'm taking part in a read along for one of my favorite book series and I'm kind of excited tbh, because it's something I've not done before. My inner child really wants to win one of  the prizes but that's a blog post for another day..

We had a really cool thunderstorm yesterday-one of the things I love about late spring here in the Northwest. Granted it's nothing like the larger and more dangerous storms that take place around the country but for our area it was a pretty intense one.

Coming down in buckets

Hail in one of my planters

What I'm Up To

Back in 2009 I co-wrote a book with a good friend with plans to publish but I started dragging my feet and it ended up being shelved for several years. The other day we had a long conversation and she called me out for the epic stall.

 I decided it was time to pull my feet out of the mud and have taken the plunge into editing. We are in the process of making it nice and shiny and we hope to publish this coming July. I will keep you all updated on its progress.

I’ve got several books in the works I just need to get busy and finish them. Our first release will fall under the New Adult section and the next few of my solo efforts will fall into the Young Adult slot. I’m the most comfortable with writing in this genre as well as the fact that I just simply relate well to it. The current working title is “Of Squalor and Ashes.” Some of you may be familiar with it. 

Where I'm Going

I set my camera down for awhile to regroup and figure out what my projects will be for the coming summer.  I’m getting ready to take my Nikon body down to a camera shop and get the main body cleaned (I won’t touch it) and stock up on good quality lens cleaning supplies.

 My first adventure on deck is a trip down to the Oregon Coast.  I will be off on a three week adventure to visit various family members. I plan to shoot wherever the wind takes me. 

Gleneden Beach sunset

I will be visiting the Corvallis, OR area as well and plan to check out a pioneer cemetery I remember seeing years ago, along with going to check out Alsea Falls. There is a lot of history in the area and I look forward to sharing it with The Midget. We will be grabbing some much-needed mom & daughter time. 

She’s caught the photo bug and will be taking one of my digital point and shoots.  She’s quite the vlogger and if she records anything that won’t cause motion sickness I might post a couple. Her insights can be both profound and amusing.

I plan to return to Montana now that the snow has melted and revisit a place I really want to shoot more extensively. I’m always up for location recommendations in the Oregon/Idaho/Montana areas.

I’m planning to do some camping again and I’m sure I will have camera in hand for the spontaneous stuff.  I never really have a ‘set’ plan-I lay out a general idea and location but am prepared to follow spontaneous leaps of photographic faith.

I’m working on a couple of covers for a friend’s book, and that is going to keep me busy as well. I’ve finally broken down and decided to get some decent editing software.

Summer is finally upon us!

See you next time,

-Robyn :)

Hard Look in the Mirror

"Fear cannot be banished, but it can be calm and without panic; it can be mitigated by reason and evaluation."  -Vannevar Bush

Today’s blog is the start of  some things that are much more personal that what I’ve done before. While I’ve been sharing some deeper glimpses of my life with you, my next few posts will share on a few different topics: all of them pretty rough for me but those of you who already know me, know that it’s also necessary to share as part of my commitment to blog as part of being the real me. Who knows-maybe one of you who reads this can relate.

 

You never know.

Today I’m going to talk about school and this inane thing I created called THE PLAN.

 

aka Worst. Idea. Ever.

 

Up until last year I’d gone to college year round-Fall, Spring, and Summer. I had A PLAN.  I was determined never to waiver from it no matter what natural or manmade disaster befell me. What was THE PLAN? To work straight through my courses and get my bachelor’s as soon as possible. No matter what.  It’s important to have A PLAN for someone like me who often gets distracted when on a task.

 

After all, isn’t creating A PLAN part of being a successful adult and/or late bloomer?

 

Starting in spring of 2007 I began my journey in atypical fashion. No advisor, no entrance counseling. I got myself registered and moving forward, choosing classes I knew I’d excel in to get started.

 

A semester in I realized I needed some direction (who knew?) and met with an advisor who made everything look good on paper but sent me in an absolutely unrealistic direction. This individual meant well-I can be quite convincing when I need to be-especially if something sounds good and I really want it. 

 

A semester later I was approaching meltdown after my first day in basic algebra. A gal took pity on my poor, wretched math soul and offered to help me.

 

Best. Day. Ever.

 Where is this going?  We’re getting there, I promise.

This led to me entering a program with lots of student support, etc.   After changing two majors (one because my head was ready to explode and the other for health issues) I found a good basic and realistic major.

I was set and revamped THE PLAN, much to my dismay but more determined than ever.  Four years later, I graduated with my degree. Feeling the need to compensate for changing THE PLAN I picked up several certificates/enhancements along the way.  I probably should have paid more attention to the fact that I graduated on Friday the 13^th…

I will note that a few of you were in school with me at the time and watched the beginnings of the chaos to come.   

 

I transferred to the next educational institution (Lord help them) and was off on the next leg of this journey. I didn’t want time off because I honestly was afraid I wouldn’t start back up and it would deviate from THE PLAN.

Of course, having Murphy and all his laws living in my back pocket always made things a bit more interesting (I use that term loosely). Summer went as planned and I was more dedicated to THE PLAN than ever.  Then Fall arrived.

With me so far? Good. *takes deep breath*

I have no idea what I was thinking, except that fluffernutting  PLAN that I had to stick to NO MATTER WHAT was nearly my downfall-okay it was my downfall. A total of four back-to-back surgical procedures on my legs/feet later (two minor, two major), and Fall & Spring semesters were complete failures-seriously.  I failed nearly all my classes.  Fall was medication fall out (you have to be able to actually read the text to pass the class). Spring was an even more complete fail. I couldn’t concentrate, etc.   I was crushed. Let the self flagellation commence.

I forced myself to take a year off. Smartest thing I’ve done. After all is said and done, I stopped making excuses and took a long hard look at my educational future and why I had two disastrous semesters.  Last week I finally acknowledged what everyone had been trying to tell me: 

 

I was burned out.                                            Really burned out.  

 

 Like ashes-after-the-phoenix burned out.

                      We are talking cinders, baby.                          

                                                                                                   

If you remember my first post way back when, Fear of Failure has always been an issue with me.  To accept burnout was to accept failure. THE PLAN had crumbled and I was pretty much paralyzed as far as any future education went-what am I if I don’t have A PLAN to go by? I was talking a good talk about going back and even started the process twice but never followed through.

 

 

As of a week ago I know what I AM. A person who overdid it and paid the price. And I’m ready to start the process to get back and finish my bachelors, but more realistically and reasonable. Putting on my really big girlie panties and ready to deal.

The one thing that had been holding me back?  My refusal to accept the reasons behind what happened.  Now that I have accepted that I had epic burnout I’ve giving myself something to stand on, if that makes sense-a starting point if you will.

 

I realistically evaluated things and have started the process. The best thing about it?  I’ve left THE PLAN behind.  It feels really weird without one. Almost a sense of being unbalanced but also liberating.  I’m keeping it really simple and taking it in increments of small goals. I just need to make sure I keep said goals realistic and only set two or three at a time, not adding more until the current are completed.

 

I'm feeling the same excitement I used to at getting the opportunity to learn and move forward.  After all, I'm not a spring chicken anymore-I fall a bit closer to the quacking duck.

 

The coolest thing is that others I’ve shared this with have not gone the ‘we tried to tell you’ route. It’s more like a collective sigh of relief.  They are simply encouraging me and reassuring me that all will be as it should.  That’s been invaluable as I reassess my goals.I can say that my advisor is VERY excited at my current state of mind. She ‘gets me’ and has always had my back.

What I do know is that I would like to continue my education-I'm so close.  After being gone a year I'm not kidding myself-It's going to be hard work and I'm willing to do it.  One of the things it will take is doing as much on campus as possible and less online. 

  

I'm going to download and print off the paper work and will be honest in my explanations and hope the appeal committee approves me. But I’m also prepared for the possibility of denial which I was never open to in the past.  I will take one step at a time and accept what comes, not borrowing trouble.

 

 

 

Sometimes it’s not enough just to look in the mirror. You have to accept what you see staring back at you to move forward.

 

Don't let you become your worst enemy.

 

 

 

Until next time,

Robyn
(Pardon my excessive use of graphics and parentheses today-they seem to fit!)

Today's blog is brought to you by: 

‘Get ThroughThis’ and ‘Raining’ by Art of Dying.

It's the perfect soundtrack for today’s post.