Dear Blog, I missed you.

Has it really been FIVE MONTHS since my last post?  I must remedy this with a post or two! I've actually been pretty busy on Facebook  as an admin on a couple of pages and I started a 'healthy hangout' group for myself and others to compare notes, be comrades in misery, and cheer leaders  for those times when we want to wallow in said misery.

I talked about the fact that I was going to be transparent and what I will do is start from about a month ago and fill in  from there. Here is the Reader's Digest version-my basic posts  from other pages....consider it a digital diary of sorts.
It's not always going to be a pleasant read, but it's real.


NOTE: posts have been edited for time, rambling, and to protect some aspects of privacy. :)

Jan 18, 2015

Ask: Most of you know that I am very overweight and want to do something about it. Looking over the options that would work for me at the moment, I've decided that juicing will be a good first step. I would love a juicier-nothing fancy, just something to help me started my journey to wellness.It would also help my daughter with some healthy choices. I'm not picky, I'd just like something that works, and possibly has the instructions so I know how to take care of it.  ‪
( About 15 minutes later a friend saw my post and gave me a Magic Bullet mixer)

Later that day. UPDATE: I made my first smoothie today using some carb count yogurt, frozen blueberries, water and some v8 natural splash. (It's what I had on hand). It tasted pretty great and Mariah had most of it. I'm getting pretty excited and will be contacting you guys for tips. How would you feel if I started a page for those of us who want to do the healthy thing?

Jan 24, 2015  The group is created

Page intro:

About me: I'm an older single mom of two girls. The youngest is at home and struggles with her weight as well. We need to make major lifestyle changes and it has to start with me so I can set the example for her.

I want to create new lifestyle habits for both of us. I've heard so much about juicing and smoothies that I thought that would be a great place to start. I could do any number of 'diets' (and have done most of them) to lose weight quickly but it's not what I'm looking for.

Thanks, everyone! 

Let's do this!

Jan 27 2015- A surprise! 

Okay I had an amazing experience today. As you know my friend gave me a Magic Bullet so I could make smoothies. I was really interested in checking out some juicing as well. A page member read my post over on the **** site and pm'd me privately asking if I would like a dedicated juicer! I met with her and brought it home and made some juice right away. I LOVED it. Another step on my journey!

Later that day: ***** ***** mentioned starting a walking group. I would love to do that when my stamina gets up. I was doing some online Denise Austin stuff-mostly stepping to the music but I have to go slow and really start from the ground up. I was appalled that I couldn't even keep up with the stepping. That's when I knew I had to do something and began thinking about taking my journey public. I've always done it privately and it was a very lonely path to take.

(taking it public referencing my past post on this blog)

Feb 1, 2015 

Reality says hello

Today was an interesting day-first day out in a long time that kept me away from home for most of the day. Went over to *********  (the state line)  and my older daughter wanted to take her friends to ******* Hamburgers. Anyone-well almost anyone who has been there knows it's greasy crack in all its glory.

I got a smaller version of what I regularly get, still allowing a splurge and I had to stop eating it. It was way to greasy and I didn't feel so hot after I finished what I did eat. McDonald's makes me feel this way too, most of the time. So I mourned the loss of my ***name of signature burger***, large fry, and six tartar sauces.
I'm attributing it to the new changes healing my body even more. While it's kind of a bummer, it's also really cool! I must be doing something right!

Feb 10 2015

I'm pretty excited and wanted to share with you. A few months ago a friend shared about a guy who takes bikes, working or not, and has them refurbished. He gives them to those in need and I was fortunate to be able to give him 3 bikes and some spare tires. I've been wanting to try and ride again but as big as I am I can't just go get an average bike and hop on without impaling myself or squishing the bike. (gotta be truthful).

I messaged him and shared what I was looking for. He is very excited and it's become his mission to help me. I told him my first goal was to ride around my complex once and work up to riding on one of the trails around here. He knows I have a tight budget and would need to do layaway or make payments. He is as excited as I am and I'm looking forward to what he can come up with. 

Feb 15 2015

This morning I find myself at odds with life, lol. I had all these glorious plans for juicing and smoothies and all would be wonderful and any extra things I needed would fall from the sky, lol. Things don't often work out that way. frown emoticon So as much as I wanted to do a 100% completely healthy food lifestyle that's just not going to be possible-reality kicked in, lol. What it means is that I'm going to revamp things so we can still work toward health while dealing with typical food items. I'm good for this month and have a bit extra but I won't be able to afford to keep doing it. I'm not giving up though, I just need to make some adjustments to my plans.‪

Feb 21 2015

Diets. Most if not all of us have tried one at some point. What's the one you've had the most success with? What's the strangest one you have tried? Which have been a complete disaster? Do you like plans that are specifically laid out or ones that are more 'free form' and let you design your own? More importantly, what have you been able to learn from all of them? Let's have a conversation! (If you aren't comfortable discussing these kinds of things I respect that.)

Note: The comments on that post were very eye opening

Feb 21 2015  Crisis approaching

This is one of the most difficult posts I've had to make but it needs to be done here and done now. I'm feel like I'm running out of time, if that makes any sense. Bariatric surgery. Great results for some, not so great for others. Several people,including my SSI lawyer, have told me that it might be my only valid option to save my health at this point due to at my age and weight before something disastrous happens. If I were to do it, now would be the time as the longer I wait the more potential age-related complications are possible. Time to put it all on the table. *takes a deep breath* I turned 50  in Dec. My current weight is ****lbs. as of yesterday. I was *** last week but I allowed stress eating to take me down.

 Sometimes I can literally feel my body fighting to function properly-especially after a big meal. Is it truly realistic and possible to lose the amount I need to lose to be healthy? (around 200-230 lbs with a goal range of ***-*** lbs).  I need to be here for my daughter and honestly am afraid that she will wake up one morning to find me dead. I can't stand the thought of it and frankly, I'd like to stick around for awhile. The effects of all this stress on my body are becoming apparent and I'm really concerned. I know that no diet or medical intervention has the chance of being successful without a change in mindset. One of the biggest problems is that I'm just as afraid to have the surgery as I am if I don't. I'm in a catch 22 exercise-wise. The more I try and move the more I hurt and have to stop. I'm frustrated beyond belief and feel horrible that my 10 yr old feels that she has to take care of me. It can't continue. I would really appreciate your honest input. Please be kind.

Just  a basic hint at the body stuff I'm dealing with. 

 ********************

Lots of personal trials compounded by the trials of those happening to those around me.  The point of all of this? 

Time to pick myself up and get moving again.

Physical journeys.

Spiritual journeys. 

 I. AM. STILL. HERE.

Welcome Back :)