Nostalgia

 

"Whats wrong with a bit of nostalgia between friends?

I think nostalgia sometimes gets too much of a bad press."
-Terry Eagleton.

I'm feeling pretty nostalgic this afternoon. Not the wistful, regret-filled diatribe that's so common in today's society. Not the 'what should have been'  or 'I wish I would have' variety but rather the nostalgia that is filled with good things. Nostalgia that is filled with contentment, joy, and a sense of rightness that the past was fulfilled in the way it was intended. A more clichéd metaphor could describe it as a soft warm blanket, soothing to the heart and soul.

 

This weekend the weather has been inconsistent, moving from sun to rain, thunder, hail, and a mix of clouds playing out in a typical early-spring pattern. I revel in the warmth when the sun peeks through for five minutes and shiver when the dark clouds creep over for twenty.  Coda (my puppy) couldn't care less and just gives me that 'puppy face'-you know the one- when it's time to go in.

I finally got started on my big project to find, edit, and upload older photos to my Flickr.



Not all of the photos are of the best quality but I posted them anyway as they are a good benchmark for me and the progress I've made so far and a reminder that  I've still got so much more to learn.  I will admit up front that there are a few that have me wondering "What in the world was I thinking of?" when I took them.

I  realize that to get where I want to be I will need to invest some concentrated time in learning how to use my old Adobe Elements (version 5) that I picked up at school one year and never installed.  Once I get comfortable with that I will make the decision whether or not to upgrade to the newest version of Elements or take the plunge and pickup Photoshop CS5 (or whatever the current version will be at that time). The financial investment is a concern, but if it's meant to be it will happen.

 "One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn't pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself." -Lucille Ball
 

 

 

 
I'm back to my normal, hopelessly optimistic self these days. It was about time, don't you think?

 

 

My morning started off well enough-I wanted to continue my editing  from last night's session. I was looking through my hard drive for good editing music and realized I hadn't listened to 'Fly to Paradise', the Virtual Choir 4 project  created by Eric Whitacre, a modern composer extraordinaire. I sang in VC4 and the experience was amazing.  It still brings tears to my eyes and I can't wait until this year's project is announced.

 
 

Of course this led me to find some great mood music and I've been off and running all afternoon.  I really enjoy editing my photos because it brings back the moods and feelings I had when I took them. I'm sure it's different for everyone, but I'm pretty visceral and it's almost tangible as I sharpen, contrast, and play with the saturation.  I get a similar feeling when I'm working on a chapter on one of my books in progress, creating something to convey emotion.
 

 

 

The next big project is to figure out which ones to print out and hang in my house.  I have to be selective to keep the result from being a chaotic mess.

I thought I'd share a few of my recent edits with you since I haven't done a photo post in awhile. 

 

 

I hope you enjoyed them.

Until next time,

Robyn :)

 

 

Calling all YA Book Lovers!

I have shared with you that Jennifer Armentrout is one of my favorite authors.
I also love her Lux series. Easy and entertaining reads, I've enjoyed them over and over. 

I will definitely be adding the compact volumes to my shelf!

On June 3, 2014 Lux: Beginnings will be released!


Obsidian

There's an alien next door. And with his looming height and eerie green eyes, he's hot...until he opens his mouth. He's infuriating. Arrogant. Stab-worthy. But when a stranger attacks me and Daemon literally freezes time with a wave of his hand, he lights me up with a big fat bulls-eye. Turns out he has a galaxy of enemies wanting to steal his abilities and the only way I’m getting out of this alive is by sticking close to him until my alien mojo fades. If I don’t kill him first, that is.

Onyx

Daemon’s determined to prove what he feels for me is more than a product of our bizarro alien connection. So I’ve sworn him off, even though he’s running more hot than cold these days. But we’ve got bigger problems. I’ve seen someone who shouldn’t be alive. And I have to tell Daemon, even though I know he’s never going to stop searching until he gets the truth. What happened to his brother? Who betrayed him? And what does the DOD want from them—from me?




ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

# 1 NEW YORK TIMES and USA TODAY Bestselling author Jennifer Armentrout lives in Martinsburg, West Virginia. All the rumors you’ve heard about her state aren’t true. When she’s not hard at work writing. she spends her time reading, working out, watching really bad zombie movies, pretending to write, and hanging out with her husband and her Jack Russell, Loki.

Her dreams of becoming an author started in algebra class, where she spent most of her time writing short stories….which explains her dismal grades in math. Jennifer writes young adult paranormal, science fiction, fantasy, and contemporary romance. She is published with Spencer Hill Press, Entangled Teen and Brazen, Disney/Hyperion and Harlequin Teen.

She also writes adult and New Adult romance under the name J. Lynn. She is published by Entangled Brazen and HarperCollins.

To get the latest updates on the Lux series and her other amazing books you can check out her website, Twitter, and Facebook.

You can preorder them here:

Barnes and Noble

Amazon

Add to Goodreads here.


And an added bonus!

We will also be raffling off two fan inspired artwork from fans of the Lux series sent from the author, Jennifer L. Armentrout, herself.

The Giveaway

 
 
  

A New Day

 

Isn’t it funny how a change in attitude and/or purging negativity can bring an incredibly bright outlook the next day?

  I was looking over my previous posts and they seem to be a dark confessional of sorts and that wasn’t my intent.  I thought I’d do a quick happy post, rambling as it may be, for an insight to the more positive aspects of my mind.  :D

My cats’ attempt to overthrow my regime this morning was foiled successfully.   They ended up battling for dominance for the best perch on the cat tree and defending said dwelling against the canine assault.

 

  

The dog didn’t destroy anything, but I did have to stop him from chewing on a doorway corner in the hall. I’m going to pretend I didn’t see the small fluffs of carpet spread around the area. :/

I was worried last night that I’d wake up to a dusting of snow per the forecast I saw before bed last night.  I was really happy to see green (ish) grass and sun!  Only a few clouds in the sky.  I think I’m going to take Mariah down to feed the geese for some ‘us’ time.  Seeds of Ink may or may not join us. She’s been a prisoner to the shade for a week or so and it’s time to break her out.  

And wouldn’t you know it that as I’m ready to take a few shots to emphasize the actions of my critters the camera goes on the fritz. The bright side is that it’s the inexpensive point and shoot that was a clearance display that got for $25. RIP Sony Cybershot.  Now if I could only find my Lumix…..

The Nikon is much harder to carry around all the time-I’m kind of obsessive and have to have at least two lenses with me.  And speaking of lenses, my dad gave me two BIG ones a couple of years ago and I’ve yet to work with them.

My current lenses are the auto focus ones while the older ones are manual.  They do fit the camera body but one lens is really long and heavy and I’m afraid to stress the camera body without any extra support.  I need to take the plunge and learn to use the manual focus.  Time to check out some YouTube tutorials I guess. Until then for the remainder of this post I shall recycle old photos because I can’t have a post without visuals. It just feels wrong to me.

Someone also suggested that I pick up a solid Cannon in the future if possible because it’s nice having both.   I inherited a manual Cannon a few years ago from my uncle and want to use it to-I really like shooting 35mm.  I have to wonder how much longer there will even be physical film available.

***Any suggestions for photography education resources are most appreciated.  Inexpensive is fine, free is even better-at least I’m honest about it.***

I’ve decided that along with my new attitude I will be cleaning out a lot of clutter from my environment.  I am a collector of books, oriental décor, and rocks.  Getting rid of any of them feels like I’m losing something important, but the reality is that I’d like to keep the best of the best and only the favorites. Don’t get me wrong-we aren’t talking an episode of ‘Hoarders’ but my garage is full and my bookshelves overflowing.




Not my actual house but you get the idea

 
I also need to purge several electronic items-a couple of old laptops, a bazillion cords, an extra stereo (or two), and you get the idea.   My goal is to eliminate my need for the garage-I already rent a carport which is directly in front of my house, and if I work it just right, I should be able to keep my camping stuff in a spare closet I’m going to give it the old college try anyway.

 With the influx of sun, the call of spring is strong. My garden schedule is already a month behind due to winter deciding we needed snow after all.  Gah. We have a short growing season as it is.  I went ahead and started a few seeds-peppers, tomatoes, squash, c cantaloupe, and a few herbs.  Will see how they do.  I really do like growing things myself.

 

The community garden I belong to is going to allow kids to plant a mix of flowers and edibles in their plots which will make it look pretty neat.   I generally plant certain flowers for pest control and it does brighten things up. 

I plan to grow my herbs in containers at home this year because I like stepping outside and clipping what I need.   Usually I do a big showy and bright flower garden out front, but last year the new owners of the complex started to pull the juniper (awful stuff) from the landscape so I didn’t do my regular thing and lose any hard work I would have done. I get kind of particular about my flowers so I did containers. 

Turns out they didn’t get to mine but will this season, so no big show again this year. (I miss it. I truly do because it smells really nice too.)  I will let Mariah scatter some flower seeds and just see what comes up. I’m going to do something different with the containers-make combination pots or something. I love sitting on my back patio, small as it may be, on a warm night with an adult beverage and enjoying the ambience. 

I’ve taken mercy on the kitchen table and have a plastic shelf set up for my seedlings.  The kids really protested when I took up 60% of the table rather than the 20% I’d promised.  When green fever kicks in, it really takes over.

  

And in other news….

Books...

I haven’t read much during my murky funk, but a favorite author of mine recommended a story that looked interesting so I took the plunge.  I’m reading “The Girl of Fireand Thorns” by Rae Carson. I’m only a couple of chapters in but I already like it. I don’t have enough read time in to share a more in-depth view.

I was stressing on the eyeball thing and in a twist of irony another one of my favorite authors, Jennifer Armentrout has been given an eyeball diagnosis of her own.  In this case, it’s not a great one and my thoughts are with her as she takes her own journey.

Music...

I’ve been enjoying some new music by Minnasia-they have a new EP out, 'World of No Errors', and its FREE! You can get your copy here. The EP has a more unpolished, gritty feel and I like the way it turned out. My favorite track on the  EP is ‘Ice Burns’-it gives me great feels.  You can follow them on Facebook and Twitter as well.

   I discovered a new artist via an acquaintance’s Tweet earlier this week.   His name is Toumas Kasselgaurd Easton. I made some small talk (you know me) and he seems like a nice guy.  He’s a keyboardist and his first official music video ‘Daydreaming’ can be seen here. He's got a Facebook and Twitter too.

And with that I shall leave you to start my day-I want to go get in some sun time and will the few clouds that have crept across the sky away.

Wishing you a great day!

Until next time,

Robyn

 

~Post Script~

We had a wonderful time down at the lake-the sun was warm and there were a bunch of people feeding the birds that the bread could have filled a bakery.  It made for very happy geese, ducks, and of course, sea gulls.

 

 

 

I Smiled at Myself in the Mirror this Morning.

I can’t believe I got this far.

 

Lots of things have dropped in my path over the last few months-many of them will have long lasting effects. But hey, I’ve always been an optimist right?

What I had not noticed or realized is that ever since the first big thing happened I started on a path that has led me where I am this morning: a pessimist and cynic. 

One of my besties has been occasionally calling me a Negative Nancy for the last couple of months but I always took it as humorous sarcasm-until yesterday.

 

 

Last week a close friend was going through her own big thing, and instead of me offering up my normal ‘there’s a silver lining in there somewhere and you’ll get through this’  encouragement I made several negative comments and chose to dwell on the worst of the worst that was going on-granted the ‘worst’ things were fairly accurate, but that’s not the issue; how I handled it was.

The issue is me.

How did I get here?

Why didn’t I see it coming?

 

 

It happens so often; the desensitization that takes place, poisoning the heart a little bit at a time until you find yourself in a pretty dark spot scratching your head perplexed that you are there in the first place.

I think it started when I had to make a choice due to outside influences to put our beloved 6 year old Shih Tzu Ming to sleep.  He would have only been with us maybe another year or so due to health issues, but still.   I realize that I was very angry that it wasn’t MY time of choosing and that I am still angry over the circumstances, although the party involved did what they could to make amends. I also recognize and admit that I never allowed myself to fully process his loss. I’d noticed some signs of depression (staring out the window a lot and feeling lost) as did those around me and I have taken some steps to deal with it.

Forward several months later and I decided it was a good time to add a canine family member-not to replace Ming but to simply enjoy another canine in the house with the added bonus of getting me outside and into the sunshine and moving in the fresh air.

We adopted two small dogs that ended up not working out in a very short time. This actually added to the hole that I swore I could literally feel in my chest. I barely glanced at the depression that was continuing to hang over me.

I made excuses for it and went on about what I thought was my business but was  in truth a few more steps down the ‘emotional fail’ spiral. I was done and ready to deal with the fact that there was no dog out there for us. Ever. (Cue my dramatic overdrive-I could have won an Oscar) Coda our new Shih Tzu has entered our lives as was meant to be and it’s been a wonderful thing.

The Ming thing is the key starting point that I can identify...then the self depreciation over other various things.  I internally started knocking myself down for everything that was going awry in my life and my children’s lives. 

One small layer added at a time and my outlook became pretty foggy.  Looking back now I can see the little comments made about my attitude from those around me were from places of concern.

Fear to look inward really sucks.

Most of you know that I’d lost my medical insurance a couple of years ago but was fortunate that we have a really good clinic here that does the sliding-fee thing.  It meant I could get my basic health stuff taken care of, which was a big relief.  What it knocked out were things like vision care.  

Through whatever means took place I got notified that my medical was reinstated. I was so relieved! Of course I made appointments to check my eyeballs, etc. I really believed things were looking up when I got the biggest life changer dropped in my lap so far. One trip to the eye doc.

The most recent big knock that sent me completely over the edge-knocked me for a loop.

The Diagnosis: Early Onset Primary Open Angle Glaucoma.

My mind went into panic-all I could think of was not being able to see, going blind. 

You know, Glaucoma=blind.

I'm only 49. How could I be a mom? Who would take care of my kids? I would have to depend completely on someone else! This is not acceptable-I have to be able to SEE!  I would not be able to do two of the things that are so important to me-writing and photography.

I felt like I’d been handed a death sentence.

I tried to put on a brave face, allowing myself what I thought was a week of appropriate panic.

Realistically, the doc had been monitoring my eyes for a while, but we didn’t expect anything for many years and I’d forgotten about it.

The facts are that I have not lost any function in my vision at this point.  I do have optic nerve damage in both eyes.  It’s very treatable and the eye drops I have to take twice daily basically arrest it on the spot and it should not progress any further, or if it does, very minimally. The instances of blindness from my type are very rare.

I finally noticed that there was something wrong earlier this week. I was looking over a charitable ‘ask for help’ site and found myself mocking the posts asking for help, seeing only people out to scam people for things they were too lazy to work for.  (I know, right?!?)

I looked up at my friend and fellow blogger Seeds of Ink and asked what was wrong with me. She gave me some much needed feedback that I finally listened to.

I forced myself to look inward.  I wasn’t proud of what I found.

I’m angry. I’m afraid.

 I’ve allowed it to fester and it’s become something that has turned me into someone I don’t like. My friends have put up with so much. I can see clearly now how they have all been worried about me but not really known how to help.  I recognize the underlying issue of the whole shebang.

Control and the lack thereof. I like to be in control of the personal things around me.

 

 

 

I think that recognizing and acknowledging it is the first step toward getting out of this pit I’ve put myself in.  I haven’t made any concrete plans for the rest of it, but today I’m going to hug my Midget a bit more and get outside into the sunshine.

 

 

 

 I love to garden. I started several indoor seeds this week and wonder if that bit of therapy was what gave me the courage to look at this. Who knows what the catalyst was?

I miss the me who has a positive spin on life to a fault.  I miss me. The one that laughs freely, seeing nonsensical and juvenile idiocy in routine things. I miss the smiles I bring to those around me.  I decided to start with something simple.

 

 

I smiled at myself in the mirror this morning.

I think it was a good place to start.

Until next time,

Robyn J

As always, I would love to hear from you!

(The second thing was to put on some good music and write this blog post)