Change

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.

-Anatole France

 

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Change.

 

What does it mean to you?  Do you fear it?  How does this fear affect you?

 

Webster’s online dictionary proved the following as being terms that are relative to change: alter, make over, modify, recast, redo, refashion, remake, remodel, revamp, revise, rework, vary fix, freeze, set, stabilize, transfigure, transform, transmute,; commute, convert, exchange; rejigger, & retool.

There were several more, but you get the idea.  Change is inevitable.

Madhura Panse writes:

 

 “Fear isn't always unreasonable; but it is always relentlessly irrational. Change fear comes with all thought-of possibilities whose natures are invariably untoward, and they're existence is unreal in the moment. When a person has fear of change, he's preoccupied with thoughts of only a future that knows not much of mercy, and is haplessly abundant with the grotesque difficulties and a shaky unstable ground, ready to open any time and devour him.” You can read the rest of the article here.

 

Personally, I’ve never been fan of change, as much as I tried to convince myself otherwise. Even when I was in full gypsy mode, traveling with the carnival (that’s a story for another day), meeting new people, trying new things, or just aimless wandering-I was in a pattern of consistency within the inconsistency.

Does that even make sense?  To me it does. Unexpected change is difficult most of the time, but I’m not going to kid you-knowing a change is coming is no picnic either.

 

I had a situation come up recently that really upset me. I stormed, ranted, and raved for two days until it dawned on me that it was not the actual use of the item, but it was the idea that it was no longer going to be available to me if I did need it.  My backup would be gone.  In reality, the likelihood of the actual need for this item was slim to none, but you would think from my reaction that my life depended on it. When I finally calmed down enough to really look at this change, this fear, my brain was sending me a strong distress signal. 

 

“Great-now the one time you won’t have it is the one time you’ll need it.”

 

That was hard to deal with.

 

I’m being sent in a different direction to deal with the underlying issue. I’m relieved and afraid at the same time. Fear of change is a nasty little piece of work, whether we are conscious of it or not. It can take control of your life before you can say ‘fluffernuts’. (You just said it, didn’t you?)

 

I know I am kind of unorthodox when faced with different things, so as far as this issue goes,  I’m just to roll with it and the results l prove themselves.  I’d be lying if I said it was easy; rather it has taken quite a bit of effort.  Once I got used to the idea, the flame as been taken out of the fear and I’m hoping for good things to happen. (And , yes, I've said it sucked in many different ways in this post, which should give you a clue just how much it throws me, lol.)

 

Getting out of one’s comfort zone is a hard thing to do-it’s like getting rid of a much loved, comfortable, and worn shirt. (I have all my torn-up tie dye shirts in my closet…I just can’t seem to let them go, lol).

 

When I had my eldest daughter, I made the choice to step out of my comfort zone to become the mother I knew I needed to be.  I was living a lifestyle that was far from safe for a baby.  It was scary. It was HARD.  I gritted my teeth and got through it, and I’m so proud of myself for it.

 

I’d patted myself on the  back for years as I conquered various fears, from battling my habit of self sabotage as I approached my college graduation (Now what will everyone expect of me).  I’m still waging the epic and eternal battle of the bulges (keeping it real).  Losing weight (I’m safe being fat because it keeps people away from me so I don’t get hurt).  My eldest daughter moving out. (What will I do with all my time? I’ve spent so much time assisting with her daily challenges? Who will need me now?)

 

As you can see, my thoughts trend toward the more dramatic.

 

We seem to forget one thing: change is often good and exciting.

 

So how do we embrace the change and take the reins away from fear and put it into a more realistic place? 

 

There is no recipe to follow, no clear cut diagrams, or step by step guidelines. It’s different for each person.

 

One thing is for certain.  Change will always be a part of life.  It’s all in your perspective.

 

ccdc

 

 

ccdc

 

 

Hightailing it to Montana: The Great Escape

Welcome once again to our adventure. It's almost over and I hope you have enjoyed it as much as we have!
***

DAY THREE

It's Always The Darkest Before The Dawn 

What can I say? The cold indeed returned but I was prepared with my new blanket at hand, to fend off any breeze, icicle, or snowflake that might decide to appear (you never know).  It actually worked out pretty well for me; The Midget didn't fare so well. Even with the extra blanket, she couldn't shake the cold.

Le Bathroom

 

I stretched out, thinking we might have to spend tomorrow night in the SUV-it's cozy and there's plenty of room when I lay all the seats down.

 

Remember when I was joking about bruised hips? Well the joke's on me after a night that included an intimate encounter with a giant tree root under my tent. I had discovered it around 1 a.m.

 

The Midget had claimed the spot next to me again.  I moved to the right and Voile! Instant misery. After a bit of moving and some silent yet creative cursing, I finally found a spot where I could settle and get some sleep.

 

The trees by our tent

Morning Has Broken

The sun has just started to reach the tent. It's supposed to be up in the mid-90s again. Now I haven't camped in the mountains since I was a little girl and honestly had forgotten how the temperature can vary from day to night.

 

I've mostly camped on the Oregon Coast with my aunt and uncle (Hot and Volcano, respectively-how they earned their nicknames is an entirely different matter). Generally the temps varied by 15-20 degrees on average, not 40!  Rest assured, I will not forget again.

 

If you look closely, you can see an orange blur. The Midget was trying to take a pic of a butterfly in flight.

I absolutely plan on camping in this area again, maybe spending one night at this  place and exploring some of the federal ones before I commit to an unknown. I'd plan to camp here again in August, if possible.

 I should probably get motivated and moving, but it's only 6:30 a.m. I snuggled with The Midget as she's doing her best impression of an icicle once again.

 

 A cool rock The Midget found.

We are awake and the tent is warming much quicker than yesterday.  The water is on the burner (don't judge), and the yellow jackets came to say good morning.  The Midget has decided that she is having two breakfasts today. The first consists of marshmallows, and oatmeal for the second.

 

First peek at daybreak.

 

I forgot to mention that when I first stuck my head out of the tent, I noticed the neighbors had gone. They were really nice people but stuck to themselves. One BIG difference I see between this privately owned campground and a state/federal one is the social aspect. At state/federal parks, there are usually many conversations taking place, new friends being made. and fun being shared. It's almost inevitable.

 This place was quiet and reserved-almost reclusive. It was not something I was used to and you should probably know we are a noisy bunch.  We give new meaning to the phrase 'loud and proud.' 



Berries on the river walk path.

The Midget is VERY social and has no problem starting conversations with anyone,  anytime, and anywhere. I literally had to stop her from going RV front door to RV front door. She wanted to roast marshmallows for the entire campground!

 We are the only tent campers here, and although they have been very gracious about putting us near a power source, etc., next time I will specifically request the tent area that has thick, spongy grass and stay away from the RV spot with its perverted tree root. I have my portable power source and can just let the sun recharge it daily (it would not even dare to rain on me in that situation).

 

Mission: Impossible

Breakfast eaten, dishes done, and coffee inhaled, we went to stow our stuff away inside the tent.  I hear a noise like a quiet snap, and a giggle. The Midget has declared a new mission of the greatest importance.

 

She has decided that all bugs, specifically a daddy longlegs spider, need to be flicked off the tent from the inside. Oh the humanity! We are off to start our (early) day.

 

Lighting the way and repelling bugs at the same time.

 

***NEWSFLASH***

 

We interrupt this camping trip with an urgent bulletin.
 

We have decided it's in our best interest to go home today. I had called home late last night  to make sure my older offspring wasn't throwing a rave in my living room and she asked if some of our friends-well, actually they are more like family-could stay with us for two weeks.  I had agreed and realized I just needed to be home to help them settle in, etc.

 I wasn't looking forward to a night of shivering, to be honest. This is also our week to pick raspberries at the community garden. I'd decided to let it go for a couple of days to let everything ripen up on the bush so there would be lots of goodness waiting.

 

A random fern.

The bees have been quite friendly as well.  I can honestly say I've never seen a bee/wasp fight.  It would make a great horror movie.   The Midget was not pleased with said bug friendliness either.  I simply just didn't want to add anymore bug juice to the pages of this journal.

It's time to start tearing everything down. :(

 

Ramble On

Everything is ready to pack in.  Only the tent remains the same.  I amazed myself-I got the tent taken down in a reasonable amount of time and even rolled up and in to the bag in one try! 

 

Almost done!

I had planned to carve my initials in the giant tree root in revenge.  Tent packed up, I went over and saw....a big ROCK.  Wow I'm glad it didn't tear the floor in my tent.  Or break one of my ribs, lol.

 

Flowers along the river walk trail.

I wanted to return the blanket that I was not going to need and it was in perfect condition so I wrapped it back up packed the car full and went to check out.  They thanked us for staying and mentioned that The Midget was very entertaining (code word: a bit much), lol.  

 

We headed back to Libby and I was honest about the return. It was not a problem and we again headed west in search of home.   As a last minute twitch, we pulled over just to see if our carver was there. He was not, but I  really do plan to take a day trip over and try to find him before winter sets in.

 

Our trip home was uneventful!

Heading home!

 

I am writing this MUCH later,  because I've been busy-birthdays, company, etc.  I'm looking forward to another visit.  I want to explore the Yak River federal campground. I don't care if it's primitive. You can camp right next to the creek, which is win in my book.    Maybe I will just take an overnighter to Libby and explore several of the area campgrounds so I will have a list to choose from. 

 

I also want to explore Idaho's parks. When I renewed by car tabs, I went ahead and purchase a parks pass for an extra $10. It's good for a year and covers the entrance fee to any Idaho state park.  Camping is a separate fee, but often there will be a discount. I'd like to get one for Montana as well. They are more expensive but I think they have more benefits to them.

 

So thus concludes our camping trip.  I hope you enjoyed reading about it!

 

 

Note: all photos used in this post were taken by The Midget. :)

Hightailing it to Montana: The Great Escape-Day Two

I hope this is finding you well.

 

Apologies for the lengthy delay. I hope you haven't lost interest. Let us delve back in to the most epic of adventures.

Note: There are more photos in this post to help you see just how neat it was. 
 

 

 

         *****************************

 

 

 

DAY TWO

I opened my eyes when it started getting light out. Having survived the arctic blast (the temps had gone down in the mid 40s).  We both slowly thawed and were able to move.


Did you know the ground is hard?

 

You would figure that with all the extra padding I carry around that I'd be golden-this was so NOT the case. I was stiff, sore, and I swear I had bruises. It took awhile, with some stretching, rolling, and various unidentifiable sounds we got ready for the day.
 

A River Runs Through It

 

When we checked in, I'd asked Vera (the owner) about the river walk advertised on the web site. She gave me directions it was only a 1/4 mile walk down from the campground. We were also told, in no uncertain terms, that  although it might look inviting but it was very dangerous and there was no wading or swimming.

 

I have to admit that I was really disappointed when I looked over and our neighbor was gone.  I wondered what stories he would have told about his adventures and  even what his own personal history was.  I briefly imagined a friendship that honestly could have been.  I resolved to not let an opportunity like that pass again without acting on it.
 

 

Coffee time with a most excellent green mug.

 

 

Breakfast eaten, dishes done, copious amounts of coffee ingested, we set out for the river.  It was an easy walk down a gravel road.  The Midget had begged to use my Panasonic point and shoot and I couldn't resist. There were meadows, trees, wildflowers, and butterflies. 


 

The Midget communing with nature.

 

 

The Midget took this pic of a daisy. Nice

It was warming up quickly when we reached the river.  Vera was absolutely right.  We hadn't reached the riverbank and you could sense the power of it.  There is just something about the Kootenai River. The colors brilliant, rich, and deep. The scent of wilderness , raw and untamed. The possibility of endless adventure.

Kootenai Campground river walk.

 

Eye see you.

 

 

 

In Search Of Linens
 

We returned to camp and  not wanting to face another night of icy torture, we set off for a thrift store to hunt for blankets.  First arriving in Troy, there was nothing that I was looking for.  A couple of outfitters and a hardware mercantile were open but I knew they wouldn't have what I was looking for, at least in my price range.  I was ready to drive home to get some, but The Midget talked me out of it.

 

We continued toward Libby, a much bigger town. I briefly noticed a pull off containing several cars and travel trailers. I made a mental note to stop and check it out on our way back.  Arriving in Libby I realized that it would not be what I'd hoped. Beside the fact that it was Sunday in a small town, there were no thrift shops to be found.  I was ready to drive back home to get some but The Midget talked me out of it   I decided to pull in to the local grocery store and get a few things for the ice chest; you know, like ice.  I explained my predicament to the clerk, who graciously didn't laugh at me. He told me that there was only a Shopko that would have what I was looking for. 

 

I was encouraged as I headed back,  looking for the department store on my way out of town.  I saw it and pulled in.  I was surprised at how sparse the offerings were inside.  Yes it was a small town, but I've been spoiled by wide availability and having everything I could possibly want at my fingertips,  even if I had no intention of buying it.

 

I searched for the clearance section, and discovered that the clearance items were  in each department it originated from.  So I was searching bedding and got discouraged quickly.  Bed sets, sheet sets, throws, and assorted oddly printed linens abounded.  I finally found the clearance shelf...and the only thing I found that was adequate was a pseudo fleece blanket on clearance for $15.99.  I went ahead and grabbed it in resignation, not having any other choices under $40.

 

OH YES I DID
 

With a much-improved state of mind, we headed back toward the campground, keeping an eye out for the pull out.  The angle of the sun brought memories of the first time we had made this trip.  The Midget, a friend, and I took a random and sporadic road trip last summer and I remembered seeing the sign that said 'Kootenai Falls.' We hadn't had the time to stop but I filed it away in one of the drawers in my mind.

 

There it was!  The parking area was much bigger that it looked from the highway. We pulled in and luckily found a spot close to the entrance.  There was a quaint little snack shack, which was surprising in itself. The prominent sign announcing  ice cream got The Midget's attention right away.  I got one for her and asked a few questions from the gal who served us.  When I saw how far down the falls were I  was really concerned whether I could actually make the trip. 

 

Obtaining provisions for the journey.

 

She assured me that if she could make it with her hip injury that I would absolutely be able to make the trip, provided I took my time and didn't rush.  I was going to do it.  It was an instant add to my bucket list.  We went and sat in the shade of a sign while The Midget raced to keep any drops from escaping her Creamsicle.

 

"Hi Neighbor."

I looked over and who was there?  My neighbor from the campground. I wasn't going to miss the opportunity this time. Turns out that he is a very talented wood carver and he was selling his work.  Describing his work as 'talented' is quite the understatement.  The carvings were on tree bark and so intricate that some scenes appeared life like.  I wish I'd taken pictures.  He let The Midget look at his tools, stains, and bark that was yet to be turned to magnificence.  She pointed to a small slab of bark at his feet, telling him he missed one.  It was purposely discarded and he told her that it was for Bo Bo. Bo Bo likes chewing wood. Who knew?

 

We chatted about travel, this being The Midget's first camping trip, and family in general.  Although he lived close by, he prefers living in his little motor home, camping  along the way simply because he enjoys it so much. He talked about being blessed, and other simple things.  The afternoon was moving along and we needed to get started if we were going to enjoy our destination.

 

The Midget went to dispose of her garbage and the snack shack gal came out and around the corner. She told The Midget that there were special berries (thimble berries) told us how to identify them.  I thought that was so neat of her.  Thanking her, we started our journey.

 

 

It just got real.

Decisions, decisions.

 

 

From here to eternity.

Down. Cool!

            

 

Victory is sweet!

 

 

 

Kootenai Falls:

Some embedded jasper in the rock bed.

Observing the power of nature.

    

On the edge.

 

The falls:

 

 

 

 

A bit of perspective:

 

 

A pic of a pic of a pic.

 

 

 

If I can get through this

 

 

Then it was time to face the toughest challenge yet-the way back.

 

 

My cane didn't like this much.




I don't remember signing up for this.



 

Oh look-a bridge!

 

 

I was starting to get pretty tired at this point.  What was awesome was the encouragement I received  from fellow hikers. No one made fun of me; however many of the seemed surprised I was attempting this feat-the trail is designated as moderate.(not easy, but not death inducing)

 

 

 

 

Almost there...

    

I made it!









Four hours, 20 gallons of sweat,  and 150 photos later we arrived back at the trail head.

 

 

 During our hike I decided that I wanted to get the carver's (I never got his name) contact info so that I could buy a piece from him later. I was bummed out that he was gone, but glad we'd gotten to talk.  I'm going to look for him again the next trip over. There were some neat trees and such as we got close to the parking lot.

 

What do you see?

 

 

 

I needed some water and The Midget had found some berries she wanted help identifying. Back at the snack shack we found out that the berries weren't safe to eat. (Told you so, Midget). I commented on the sketches that hung on the walls of the shack and the beautiful painted rocks.  She told me that she was the artist.  I really liked one rock and she told me she'd give it to me for $5.  I had no cash left but told her I'd be back the next day before we left to get it if I had the funds. (Did I mention that we were on a skeleton budget)

 

Looks good but no dice.



Our carver had left a large carving of  a bear sitting at one of the picnic tables. I thought it was a pretty neat calling card.
 



A meeting of the minds.

Watered and refreshed we headed back to the car. I snapped a couple of photos to show just how far we'd hiked. The first shot was of the swinging bridge and the second of the falls just up the river. On our way back from the falls, I was too tired to make the additional hike.  Several adults making their way back from the bridge kindly let me know that it probably wasn't a good idea for The Midget. Kids generally were really scared and froze half way over and often had to have help getting off of it.

A long way down.

We made it back to camp and all was quiet. Several  RVs had come and gone. I went ahead and started dinner while valiantly defending the table against  a few wasps. The Midget requested an early fire because she wanted to try roasting and eating a few marshmallows before  the toss 'em in and watch 'em fry session.

We'd been using a fire ring that I'd thought was a communal one as the site specific ring was 5 ft from the tent. The manager came over and let us know that we'd have to move the fire if the spot it belonged to was rented. She was very nice about it, and the and the spot was rented shortly thereafter. We only had two pieces of wood anyway, so we just put it out.

 

After a day of near 100 degree temps and moderate exertion we felt gross and probably smelled worse so off to the showers we went. (I verified that showers were included. I'd already been scolded and wanted to stay out of trouble).

 

The facilities are really nice and clean. I have to admit that I was excited when I saw the exhaust fan. It was big enough to power one of those boats on the everglades-no muggy showers! I pulled the chain and nothing. :(  Even with all the vent windows open we came out feeling like Florida in August.

We went back to the tent and I plugged in my fan (don't judge) and chilled out with The Midget talking about silly things. I'd promised her some real us time, so I will leave you for now.

 

THUS ENDS DAY TWO