Change

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.

-Anatole France

 

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Change.

 

What does it mean to you?  Do you fear it?  How does this fear affect you?

 

Webster’s online dictionary proved the following as being terms that are relative to change: alter, make over, modify, recast, redo, refashion, remake, remodel, revamp, revise, rework, vary fix, freeze, set, stabilize, transfigure, transform, transmute,; commute, convert, exchange; rejigger, & retool.

There were several more, but you get the idea.  Change is inevitable.

Madhura Panse writes:

 

 “Fear isn't always unreasonable; but it is always relentlessly irrational. Change fear comes with all thought-of possibilities whose natures are invariably untoward, and they're existence is unreal in the moment. When a person has fear of change, he's preoccupied with thoughts of only a future that knows not much of mercy, and is haplessly abundant with the grotesque difficulties and a shaky unstable ground, ready to open any time and devour him.” You can read the rest of the article here.

 

Personally, I’ve never been fan of change, as much as I tried to convince myself otherwise. Even when I was in full gypsy mode, traveling with the carnival (that’s a story for another day), meeting new people, trying new things, or just aimless wandering-I was in a pattern of consistency within the inconsistency.

Does that even make sense?  To me it does. Unexpected change is difficult most of the time, but I’m not going to kid you-knowing a change is coming is no picnic either.

 

I had a situation come up recently that really upset me. I stormed, ranted, and raved for two days until it dawned on me that it was not the actual use of the item, but it was the idea that it was no longer going to be available to me if I did need it.  My backup would be gone.  In reality, the likelihood of the actual need for this item was slim to none, but you would think from my reaction that my life depended on it. When I finally calmed down enough to really look at this change, this fear, my brain was sending me a strong distress signal. 

 

“Great-now the one time you won’t have it is the one time you’ll need it.”

 

That was hard to deal with.

 

I’m being sent in a different direction to deal with the underlying issue. I’m relieved and afraid at the same time. Fear of change is a nasty little piece of work, whether we are conscious of it or not. It can take control of your life before you can say ‘fluffernuts’. (You just said it, didn’t you?)

 

I know I am kind of unorthodox when faced with different things, so as far as this issue goes,  I’m just to roll with it and the results l prove themselves.  I’d be lying if I said it was easy; rather it has taken quite a bit of effort.  Once I got used to the idea, the flame as been taken out of the fear and I’m hoping for good things to happen. (And , yes, I've said it sucked in many different ways in this post, which should give you a clue just how much it throws me, lol.)

 

Getting out of one’s comfort zone is a hard thing to do-it’s like getting rid of a much loved, comfortable, and worn shirt. (I have all my torn-up tie dye shirts in my closet…I just can’t seem to let them go, lol).

 

When I had my eldest daughter, I made the choice to step out of my comfort zone to become the mother I knew I needed to be.  I was living a lifestyle that was far from safe for a baby.  It was scary. It was HARD.  I gritted my teeth and got through it, and I’m so proud of myself for it.

 

I’d patted myself on the  back for years as I conquered various fears, from battling my habit of self sabotage as I approached my college graduation (Now what will everyone expect of me).  I’m still waging the epic and eternal battle of the bulges (keeping it real).  Losing weight (I’m safe being fat because it keeps people away from me so I don’t get hurt).  My eldest daughter moving out. (What will I do with all my time? I’ve spent so much time assisting with her daily challenges? Who will need me now?)

 

As you can see, my thoughts trend toward the more dramatic.

 

We seem to forget one thing: change is often good and exciting.

 

So how do we embrace the change and take the reins away from fear and put it into a more realistic place? 

 

There is no recipe to follow, no clear cut diagrams, or step by step guidelines. It’s different for each person.

 

One thing is for certain.  Change will always be a part of life.  It’s all in your perspective.

 

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