Sunday, September 20, 2020

I Can See Clearly Now

  

The raging fires in Oregon (basically the entire state), California (I can't believe there is anything left to burn!), Washington State (again?!?), and here in Idaho have created such disaster, heartache, and destruction that it honestly took the wind out of my blogging sails. 


Yaquina Head Lighthouse, Newport Oregon


Then the smoke came. I don't mean the typical 'here for a day and gone tomorrow' type we usually experience each year that may occasionally hit the 'unhealthy' or 'hazardous' categories for a half day or so. 


I am referring to the smoke that crept across the sky with it's thick viscous malevolence.  The particulates consisting of not only vegetation smoke but many homes, cars, businesses, etc.   


Wildfire smoke is often described as smelling like a giant campfire. Our brains recognize it and while devastating feels a bit familiar. This smoke was another thing entirely.


It has a frightening, poisonous, acrid smell. It's a chemical-ish stink and there is nothing like it. It's the kind of smoke that makes you feel like you are suffocating if you are directly exposed for more than a minute or two.   


As I looked my sliding glass window that day I saw the strange filtered orange sunlight with tiny specks of ash falling. Sepia would be a more accurate description of the color.  I had a thin layer of it on my car more than once.  


It got so bad that we had to literally stay indoors.  We ended up having to hang a blanket over the front door to seal it and another one as a door stopper. We pulled out both of my ion air purifiers and turned up our Himalyan salt lamps.  I went and bought high quality furnace filters but it was too dangerous to use the furnace as I don't have a  'recirculate' function. 


We were getting a bit stir crazy and I have to tell you 2020 has become the year of living Jumanji.  




We finally had to be brave and venture out for needed items and I broke into my wildfire kit (I have different kits for different scenarios) and pulled out the N95s.  


Now before you say "but those are for medical personnel" I will tell you I put my kit together several years ago and always have several packages of N95s just for this particular reason.  Having asthma sucks. It sucks worse in smoky conditions.


Yours truly



At times I felt guilty because what we suffered here was NOTHING compared to what people experienced (and are still experiencing) in many areas. Sometimes it's hard to keep perspective. 


There were promises from the weather forecasters that the end was coming.  Rain was promised.  Then the air quality alerts were extended by two days.  The only positive was that the air quality numbers were ever so slowly improving.  





Facebook was filled with comments of "I've never been so excited to be very unhealthy"  and " I can't wait to be unhealthy." 






Even as the numbers improved it was a bit confusing as the thickness of the smoke got worse and settled in to the point once again that we couldn't see the local mountains. There were a few differences though.  


The smoke wasn't the yellowish, diffusion that had been the previous week's mess. This was more of the white smoke that it still crappy but resembles more of a winter inversion type of smoke. It was confusing until I realized that it didn't smell as bad. (but still made me cough a lot).


Neon pink sun through the smoke. 


The first night of predicted rain didn't fall. It was more a few drops here and there scattered over the area.  The wind had started to move the atmosphere a tiny bit.  We did, in fact improve to unhealthy, and people started to emerge into society a bit.  

I miss the mountains

Still can't see the mountains








I dutifully took part in washing my car yesterday afternoon to help increase the chances of rain. As night fell I kept looking out my front door to see if the rain had come. I stuck my head out for one last time before bed and the sidewalk was wet!  


Yes, my friends, it had indeed rained! 

 

I got the dog leashes and took the canines for a quick walk to their favorite tree and they were as excited as I was to be out. The air smelled wonderful!  I went to bed happy and filled with relief that things were well on their way to better. 


I woke up this morning and it's a beautiful early fall day!   The air quality is good, there is no haze, and we have partly cloudy skies. Where the sky is peeking through it's that beautiful pale blue that is prominent in September. I have several windows open and I'm so grateful to be getting the gross smell out of my house.

 











It will probably take me a couple of days to get the junk out of my lungs but I'm breathing deeper and am more grateful with each breath of that fresh clean air!





I would be easy for us to just move on and go forward but I would ask you to remember all who are still battling these epic fires. Headway is being made but they are far from over.  


Many people also don't realize that fire season runs through mid October where I live and we have a ways to go before we are at lower risk.  My prayer is that this is the worst of it and things settle down.


Please keep the fire crews and first responders in your thoughts. Some have lost everything yet keep their focus trying to save others from the same fate. 


I'm grateful for their service.


As I look out my window I am so glad to say that...I can see clearly now. 


Until next time,

-R







PS no countdown reminders today.  Just didn't feel right. 


For a bit of the perspective I mentioned, here is the list of large fires burining in ID, WA, CA, and OR. 














Monday, September 14, 2020

Come Find Me



Have you ever had a song stuck in your head?

Not an 'earworm' but a song that has a feeling of deep resonation but no apparent explanation?  

Sometimes I love it and others it can be annoying. Sometimes I'm able to correlate it and other times I just have to attribute it to my sphere of old ladyness.


That being said, trying to sleep when you have a song playing as loud as a freight train roaring can definitely interfere with healthy sleep. It's the norm for me though as I live through a different lens and lean toward the creative.  It's just how my brain works. 





 Sometimes there is an underlying reason for a particular song, other times it might be a general mood. It might be a single line, a verse, or the song as a whole. It's resonation to you might not be the intention that the composer identified with but the beauty of art is that it's flexible and fluid. 


The backstory:  I'm adopted. I've known this my entire life and my adoptive parents were always supportive and at one point had even put me in touch with the agency that handled it.


 I was able to to get some basic information but I still had a  sense that something was missing. It wasn't the horrible agony or deep sense of loss that some adoptees feel.  I would never  mimimize another adoptee's feelings because each experience is unique as we as individual human beings are unique. 


 I head been curious to my ethnic background and thought it would be fun to see if it matched with what I'd always been told so I took the leap and ordered an AncestryDNA test. 




I sent it off per the instructions and waited impatiently, watching the tracking information as it progressed on it's way to the lab. It was processing and I had been waiting for my results that were estimated to be another week out.  


I normally turn my phone off at night but for some reason I had left it on. I had an email notification around 11:30 p.m. and the results were in!  Of course there was no way I was going to be able to sleep so I logged on to the laptop to see what my results were.  


I had no idea what to expect as I clicked the link to the website and logged into my account. 

I did a double take. One of them looks so much like me.


I had 3 top matches listed as "Close Family Cousins."  I was so excited to see them.  I reached out to a couple of them through the site messaging feature.






At the same time, I had decided to completely delete one of my social media accounts.  Just too toxic.  I was almost ready to click the button and One of my matched found me and messaged me.


We chatted for a bit and I tried to go to bed.  Thats when this song got a lot louder in my head.  A lot louder.  I have always liked the song so I wasn't too bothered.  


The end of the second day I had been dealing with a smoke-induced headache (the winds graciously broght the west coast wildfire smoke over for an extended stay) and had mentioned I was going to have to call it a night.  


She said she had to tell me something in the morning and I was going to log out...and again..phone notification went off for a new ancestry message. 


It was one of the other matches...who was the first one's sister. (I'm leaving names out for privacy reasons)


They aren't cousins. They are my half sisters!  When I saw the message I have to admit that I started to cry.  I ugly cried for about 5 minutes and pulled myself together so I could share the news with my friend who has been staying with us.


The sensation that something was missing was gone. I feel peaceful. Quiet-well at least that part of me is quiet. We all know that quiet doesn't often exist where I'm concerned. 


 This song continues to be prominent in my thoughts.  I have since connected with another half sister on the other bio parent's side. 


I didn't realize that I'd had a stronger longing for finding relatives than I'd acknowledged.


NOTE: I am sitting here listening to said song on repeat as I type this and it just dawned on me why. I admit a tear or two is falling as I realize just how deeply it's rooted inside to a part of my inner child I had quietly put on a shelf a long time ago. 


I don't know where these new-found relationships will go; it's new for all of us and we are at the very beginning of this journey. 


My adoptive family are still my parents, that family is my family. I've just been blessed to have a bigger one now.  Those of you who know me in real life know how much having a big family has meant to me and this definitely tics off the boxes! 


 I'm not in any hurry though as I want to take in every moment.


I have posted the exceprt of the lyrics that resonate with me and a link to the YouTube video so you can hear it and get a glimpse into what is happening to me and how amazing it is. 




                                     To my new family: Let's do this! 






The song  is "Find Me' by Singma (featuring Birdy)

"If you're ready, heart is open
I'll be waiting
Come find me
If you're searching for forever
I'll be waiting
Come find me
I see you, here in the darkness
Blinding light right where your heart is
If you're ready, heart is open
I'll be waiting
Come find me
Come find me
Come find me
I see you, here in the darkness
Blinding light right where your heart is
If you're ready, heart is open
I'll be waiting
Come find me"


Here is a link to the song. 
This is the orginial version.  I updated this post to include the version that represents it the most. 
(It will open in a new window)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ec92Wa8zJs8&frags=pl%2Cwn


It's going to be one of my life power songs now.  It represents energy, hope, connection, ....and family.


Until next time my friends,


-Robyn



And of course I wouldn't be the me you know and love without reminding you that: