My personality is a beast. It's loud. It can be moody. Unpredictable. Passionate. Intense.
When it gets upset it gets really upset. It wants to be mean and petty. It can also love fiercely.
My personality also is fiercely loyal; often to my detriment and it's a beast I have to fight consistently because I've often lost my footing in the process.
For the most part it has just wanted to just get along. I forget to take care of me more often than not.
My personality sometimes doesn't make sense. It often appears contradictory to itself and sometimes more than once a day.
The amount of sleep I get definitely affects the intensity of the given day.
When I'm frenetic and emotions are all over the place time is a blur.
When I'm angry you can imagine the sound of a wet hissing spitting kitten.
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| Paradox. Our resident ruler. |
I like to think I am pretty predictable. I think it's more a situation of being stuck in my ways and my loathing of change.
The political climate over the last couple of years in addition to the election mess taking place now have me asking myself some hard questions.
Have my beliefs changed? How?
I think they have expanded more that changed. I stepped back a bit and took in a larger expanded view of things and realized that by keeping such a narrow focus I was missing half the picture. And it was a big half lol.
Is it healthy for me to hold so much in?
I used to say yes because I'm a pretty private person when it gets down to the nitty gritty. I think there are maybe 3 people on this planet I trust to share the deepest of the deep.
I have realized lately that it's important for me to vent a bit more in the safe spaces I have or take the different approach of simply talking about it to the person(s) it involves.
That is a delicate line for me because I'm about as subtle as a lead pipe when I have great feels.
Where is the line between just enough and oversharing? The line between sticking to your principals or sacrificing your integrity?
I've always shared the position of respecting different views even when they are the direct opposite of mine. I always figured that I'm not in their shoes, they aren't in mine so as long as the respect goes both ways all is well.
Lately my brain has started hinting that maybe it's not as okay. With the epic socio-cultural changes taking place in our society it's had me wondering if by said respect of others views I am complicit with theirs. There are things that are part of a personality and things that are a choice. I have really taken a look at things and it's shaken me up a bit.
There are certain things I absolutely am against personally and I say I've drawn a line for myself over them but by saying I respect people I know who do believe or practice such things actually does imply a type of complicity.
I'm really struggling with this one. I have always spoken up about some things but the things I'm struggling with have always bothered my but I put them aside. I've been quiet. I was talking to a friend the other day about this and I said " Maybe it's time that I'm not so quiet anymore."
It's a hard call on how I'm going to approach these things but rest assured I am going to approach them and deal with them. It's a very scary process and I want to make sure I respond and not react.
I don't want things to go back to the way they were; it was toxic and what we are going through at this moment is the result.
I want to move forward and grow.
I would love unity and healing but I'm not naïve. I know it won't have fluffy clouds of happy but we can work towards something positive.
We are in the midst of growing pains not seen in decades.
The one thing I say quite often is " all will be well in the end." It means things will be okay or at a point we can accept them as a starting point to leave a place our point of chaos.
It's a peace I have that while things are really bumpy and chaotic, I feel deep down that things will settle and we will be able to move forward. We have the opportunity to rise to these challenges.
Our humanity depends on it.
We don't get an automatic "let's be friends" pass anymore. Things have been said and done in moments of anger, fear, and disgust that can't-and shouldn't-be forgotten. It may even be time to re-evaluate some relationships in your circle.
Shining a light inward isn't a comfortable feeling. Making snap decisions doesn't always end well. I need to take my time to process things. I also recognize that it is a form of avoidance.
The toxicity displayed by people over the last two years in particular has been astounding. I want the election to be over and done but I know it won't solve the many problems before us.
It's time for honest apologies, accountability, and a willingness to stand for a common goal to work toward.
I know we can do this. We can unite or at least agree on some common ground and let the rest grow around us.
Does that sound unrealistic? I suppose so but did I mention my other fault is being an optimist?
Go figure.
And on to Covid-19.....another incredibly decisive issue.
Yes, I have had two tests. Thankfully negative.
My simple (and non-negotiable) thoughts on the matter:
Wear a mask. Wash your hands. Decide what you are willing to risk. Don't stop living.
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| A couple of mine. |
I know of those in my circle who have lost people I have friends and family who have/had it. Some were really sick. Some weren't. One had no symptoms.
And in the words of Forest Gump...
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| Image obtained from tenor.com |
Sorry this isn't my usual nonsensical entry, but many things are weighting heavy on my heart today.
I wish you all peace, health, and wellness.
Be kind.
Until next time,
Robyn
20 days until Thanksgiving
49 days until Christmas
359 days until Halloween
